Archive | December, 2012

You Are Who You Play

17 Dec
"Who's got next?"

“Who’s got next?”

In 1935, a small debate team from Wiley College in the sleepy town of Marshall Texas defeated the dominating national champion, The University of Southern California. This was a historically significant event as it marked a huge step forward for the legitimacy of the education provided by historically African American colleges and universities in the United States.

The thing is, Wiley’s debate coach Melvin Tolson viewed the victory over USC as completely irrelevant. Unimportant. Unnecessary. Incidental. In Tolson’s mind, the real triumph was that he got his team to believe that they had the right to challenge the national champions in the first place.

The reason why is because Tolson understood a fairly simple success secret – you are who you play. Wiley College was just a small dot on a small map and Tolson knew, that even if they lost that competition, that he had raised their expectations and their standards for themselves. By elevating your peer group, you elevate your expectations. For everything that the self-help books tell you about goal-setting, the most important factor in determining your potential success is to evaluate the people you compare yourself to.

Here’s a simple example. If you want to accurately guess an individual’s salary, then you just simply take the salaries of his or her five closest peers and then average it. What to know someone’s body fat percentage? Education level? Average five peers. It’s a simple formula, but an amazingly accurate one. So, if you want to raise the level of your game then you need to raise the level of your competition.

Now obviously I’m not suggesting that you go around challenging everyone in every area. But once you know what business you want to be in (i.e. what areas of your life or career that you want to succeed in) then you need to decide who you want your competition to be. The competition doesn’t have to be a zero-sum game (only one of you can win), but it does have to be public. Making up competitions in your own mind doesn’t count. Being very clear about who you intend to compete with has a lot of power because it opens you up to criticism and ultimately you’ll work harder because of that fact.

You are who you play. This is certainly not a new idea as Confucius once said “Never make friends with a man who isn’t greater than thyself,” but it is an extremely important one. Your performance is a direct reflection of the expectations of your peer group and if you want to be successful, then you need to get around others who are doing better than you. Humbling? Yes. Painful? Yes. Frustrating? Yes. Ultimate formula for success? Absolutely.

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Goal Setting is a Waste of Time

17 Dec
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Wow! Look at that view! Oh wait….you’re not.

A lot can be said about goal-setting. I wish it wasn’t. In my opinion goal-setting is often a complete waste of time. Not that your typical self-help guru is wrong about the importance of goal-setting, because they aren’t. The problem I have with all of this talk about goal setting is that too many people become focused on setting perfect goals rather than achieving them. What is a “good” goal? Is it specific enough? Is it achievable? How will I measure it? What is an action step versus an action item? What’s the difference between an outcome and an objective?…blah, blah, blah. I’ve seen it and experienced it myself many times.

The spirit of goal-setting is that you want to know where you are heading – fine – but ultimately you want to achieve something meaningful (other than having a bunch of words on a sheet of paper with the word “Goals” at the top). General Omar Bradley famously claimed: “Amateurs talk strategy. Professionals talk logistics.” This is because once you have your direction picked out, the most important thing is to start moving and too often amateurs like to hide their inability to take action behind the veil of “strategic thinking.”

Now before Tony Robbins shows up at my house with a bucket of tar and a bushel of feathers (do they sell them in bushels?) let me just say that strategy is obviously important. In fact, strategy or goal setting is so important that human beings have invented a word to describe ” a complete lack of strategy; a series of actions without a specific purpose”…we call it “play time.”  If you want to actually achieve something, rather than just driving around in circles (no offense to NASCAR fans) then yes, you need to set some goals. My point is simply that if you’re like the achievers I work with, people who are smart, people who have great ideas, then you’ll need to make sure you don’t let “perfect” get in the way of “good.”

You need to remember that the best ideas don’t come to you in a vacuum. Even if you don’t have the best plan, get out there, stir things up, and see what happens. The measure of your abilities will always be in what you actually achieved not what you hoped to achieve. Goals are good, but actions are better.

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The REAL Secret to Success

17 Dec
empty-box

Metaphor alert: It’s an empty box.

The most common mistake we make on our path to success is assuming that we don’t know enough. We believe that there is some secret formula. That once in our possession, will lead us clearly and convincingly to our destiny. This is a mistake. The bittersweet truth is that you already know everything you need to know to achieve your goals. It is a sobering thought for sure, but one, when truly understood, will free you.For example,I am a person who is always trying to get in shape. I have been successful in establishing good exercise and eating habits, but it is very easy for me to fall off the wagon. I work at that area of my life constantly (10 years ago I even became a certified personal trainer), anyways, a few months ago I was talking with a good friend who had reached a point in his life which he was ready to make some major changes in his health.

We started talking about where he should begin. “I have already bought about 10 diet books,” he boasted. “What about exercise?” I asked. “Well, I do not want to join a gym, so I am thinking about getting a recumbent bike and some weights.” “That makes sense,” I responded, “when are you going to get them?” “Well… I need to do some research first. I want to get something good. What do you think?”

“I think you are delaying,” I responded. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Listen,” I said, “…there is no big secret to losing weight. It is not an easy process, but it is simple. You need to burn more calories than you are taking in. You already know that. I think you are trying to buy yourself some time before you REALLY have to do anything. If you want my advice, you need to stop thinking and start doing. If you want my advice, you should go for a run TONIGHT.”

The point I was trying to drive home was that no one knows how to play mind games with you like YOU. Do you want to make a lot of money? Then you need to spend less money than you are bringing in. Do you want to be a millionaire? Research tells us that the odds are in your favor if you invest intelligently and start your own business. These insights are not front page news. If you really want to achieve a particular outcome then the chances are that you already know what you need to do. You just need to start.

Be a Quitter

17 Dec

What do Michael Jordan, Mother Teresa, and Albert Einstein all have in common? They are all quitters. And I mean BIG TIME quitters. Colossal, mega, super-quitters. In fact, one could argue that it was their unique ability to quit that made them successful.

Imagine this – it’s 1977 and you’re a college student living in Queens, NY. By day, you work as a furniture mover and are working part-time on an accounting degree and by night you perform stand-up comedy in some small local clubs. By all accounts, you are almost completely average at everything you do. Seeing your lack of progress, your parents force you to make a decision; either focus on your accounting degree or focus on your comedy. Thankfully, Raymond Romano decided that accounting wasn’t for him (which is too bad because he could have used that accounting knowledge to help him with the almost 500 million dollars he made over the course of Everybody Loves Raymond).

aug2006-ray_romano

“Moving furniture is shit.”

Now, most of us don’t have parents like Ray. Most of us are so afraid of the word, “quit” that we would never dream of dropping something that we invested a lot of time into. And it is for this reason, and this reason alone, that so many people fail to succeed. Why? Because in order to achieve something spectacular you have to have a laser-like focus on it and you already know that you can’t focus on several things at once. Confucius said, “he who chases two rabbits catches neither,” so if you want a rabbit, you’re going to have to decide.

Our problem is that we want to dabble in this and play with that. We want to try some experiments and we want to explore some possibilities. By this of course, we intend to play it safe and I’m as guilty of this as anyone (probably even more so). We want to “try.” We want to try so that when things fall apart we can easily jump ship. This is what separates those who achieve great things and people who almost achieve great things. Successful people know that in order to surpass their peers they need to be more focused and more committed than their competition. But what most people forget is that you only have a limited amount of resources. And if you’re going to focus on one thing, then you’re going to have to quit something else. In my coaching, I’ve found that learning to quit is one of the hardest lessons to learn, especially for high achievers.

So, in order to help you let go, let me remind you that being “good” at something doesn’t get you anywhere. A “good” basketball player may run rings around the guys at the local rec center, but he’s not getting endorsement deals. Being a “good” businessman just means that your company survives. It doesn’t mean that your company is truly adding value to its customers, employees, and the community…consistently. You may be “good” at a lot of things and while that may impress your Facebook friends, the world at large doesn’t care. The world only cares about excellence and the only way to achieve excellence is to focus. No one has ever built a statue to honor a dabbler.

So, what does this mean for you? Well, it means that you need to do some serious soul-searching. You need to figure out what kind of business you need to be in and equally importantly, the kind of business you need to get out of. Look at each piece of your life and make a decision to either quit or commit. Figure out what’s most important to you and put your time, money and energy there – forget everything else. If you have a hobby or you do something to have fun or relax, then by all means keep doing it. We all need to enjoy ourselves. Just don’t deceive yourself into believing that what you dabble in will amount to anything more than that.

Your time and energy are your most precious resources. It is the great equalizer. However, once spent, you never get them back. Ask yourself honestly, where do you spend your time each week and are those things moving you forward in the areas that are most important to you? If not, then I guarantee that you’ve got some time wasters in there. Cut those anchors loose and give yourself the freedom to pursue excellence in your chosen area.

Michael-Jordan-white-sox

“This HAS been a lot of fun. So, listen…….”

In 1908, after eight years of hard work and learning the ins and out of his trade, Albert Einstein quit his job at the patent office to focus on his scientific research and teaching. In 1946, an Albanian nun named Teresa left her position in the convent to live among the poor of Calcutta. 33 years later she was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize. In 1994, Michael Jordan quit the Chicago Whitesox to rejoin the Chicago Bulls winning three additional national basketball championships in the process.

They were all average people who were “good” at a lot of things. What set them apart though was an above average clarity about who they wanted to be. They committed to that vision and they quit everything else. Every time you hear someone quote Vince Lombardy’s line, “A winner never quits and a quitter never wins,” just smile quietly. You know the truth. A winner quits lots of stuff.

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When Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work

17 Dec

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If you’ve read my other articles, then you might think that I don’t like positive thinking. You’d be wrong. I love positive thinking. Research into motivation has shown time and time again that believing you will succeed at something really does increase your chances of succeeding (it’s something that mascarades under names like Expectancy Value Theory or Self-Efficacy). The problem is that the self-help gurus of the world fail to make one critical distinction when it comes to positive thinking. They fail to tell you that there are really two ways of thinking positive about achieving a goal and doing the wrong one will ensure that you become a world-class failure. Yes, it’s that serious.

Here’s a little quiz. Let’s say you want to start a business. You could think positively about that goal in two ways. You can think:

A – “I have the knowledge and skills to start this business and I feel secure and confident that I’ll be able to achieve that goal.”

B – “I will easily be able to secure the financing, raw materials, and distribution channels and will have no problems attaining reaching the projected sales targets of 1000 units.”

What’s your pick? Well, I hope it was answer A, because answer B is setting you up for a world of hurt. Studies have shown time and again that if you believe something is easy to achieve then you will put in less effort. It’s as simple as that. However, if you believe that you possess the knowledge and skills to overcome challenges with the recognition that there will be some challenges in your path, then you’re going to put in more effort more consistently. Of course this is a lot easier said than done, so let’s actually do it (just in case you’re thinking, “it will be easy for me to think this way”).

1. Pick a goal that you have.

2. Now, think about one positive aspect of achieving that goal. “What does success look like?” is a good question to ask yourself. Get that picture in your mind.

3. Ok, now think of a few obstacles that stand in the way of you achieving your goal. Be realistic.

4. Now think of another positive aspect.

5. Now another obstacle.

Do this enough and you’ll have a very accurate AND inspiring vision for the future. Thinking positively this way prevents you from fooling yourself into taking the path of least resistance which will often lead to a place you don’t want to go. Again studies have compared different groups, each who have used a different technique for thinking positively and the group that used this alternating technique (Mental Contrasting) are always the highest performing group. Learn from these studies and model their success. There is nothing wrong with thinking positively, but just make sure that you balance that with the knowledge that anything worth doing is going to be difficult.

 

10 Reasons Your Business Isn’t Working

17 Dec

The mechanics of creating and growing a business are not that mysterious. There are plenty of resources out there to help you. In fact, there is so much out there for you to learn from that if your business isn’t working, then the problem is YOU. In the spirit of telling you the truth so that you can turn things around, here are my top ten reasons why business leaders fail.

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1. You’re trying to screw over your customers. You think that getting them to pay $100 for a $10 product is doing good business. You’re wrong. They’ll see right through you and your fancy sales tactics. Give them more than they are paying for and they’ll beg you to sell to them.

2. You’re lazy. In the end, successful businesses are all about the hustle (and I don’t mean tricking other people). If you want $10,000 then you’re going to have to put in $100,000 effort. If you want to be good, then put in great effort. If you want to be great, then put in outstanding effort. Accept it and get to work.

3. You aren’t thinking creatively. You love to “think outside the box,” but you really aren’t. You’re in the same old box and you’re just climbing deeper and deeper into it. Get out of your comfort zone and ask the big questions, “If I could do that would it virtually guarantee my success?” Chances are there are a few Hail Mary plays up your sleeve if you just had the guts to try them.

4. You haven’t failed enough. The biggest hurdle to overcome on your way to great success is to have a little success. Think in terms of a season and not each game. Just because you won last week doesn’t mean that you will this week, so you need to keep switching things up. Sometimes you’ll lose. Good. Learn from your mistakes, but never stop making your services and your people better.

5. You’re doing too much. John Donne once said, “No man is an island,” and believe me, no one with their own island tried to do everything himself. Leadership is about influencing others toward a common vision. Delegate your work, trust the people around you, and share the rewards. Ask for help. Set the vision and then get other’s to work towards it.

6. You’ve got too much of an ego. You’d rather be a 20 pound fish in a 5 pound lake than a 100 pound fish in a 200 pound lake. So what if you’re not the biggest? So what if they’re are people out there better than you? Focus on your own results and stop worrying about what everyone else is getting.

7. Your product and your market don’t match. If you’re in the luxury market, then your products better be luxurious. If you’re in the common market then your products better solve everyday problems. Don’t over complicate things. Don’t try to cheat the system. The house always wins. Test your prices and figure out what you’re worth (not what you wish you were worth).

8. You don’t have a business plan. Is it better to be smart or to be lucky? In business, it’s better to be smart. You can’t plan for luck and you can’t make your payroll with luck. Don’t play dice with other people’s lives or your own. Think through all the angles, write them down and make a plan. Then stick to it.

9. You’re too clever. You already know how most people go about running their company, but you’re a lone wolf and you’re going to change the world!! Sorry to burst you’re bubble, but don’t try to out think the market. Trying to create a new market with your first business is like saying that you’re retirement plan is to win the lottery. Learn the mechanics of your business and your industry and perfect them.

10. You’re delusional. I’m a big believer in positive thinking (see When Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work), but sometimes the market just doesn’t support your product and you don’t know it (you would if you did #8). Should you give up and focus on something else or are you on the verge of a huge success? I’m not saying that I know the difference. I’m saying that if you’re in that business then you better.

Again, there is absolutely no excuse for ignorance. There is too much information and too many people out there right now dying to help you with your business (feel free to send me an email – consults are 100% free). If you aren’t succeeding then there is something wrong and more importantly there is something that YOU can do about it

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Exercising Your Success Muscle

16 Dec

Your self-control “muscle” is just like the other muscles in your body – when it doesn’t get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals.

Imagine this scenario: You make plans to meet a friend at a restaurant. You wait for an hour and he doesn’t show. You call his cell phone and there is no answer. Eventually, you give up and leave. A week later, you make dinner plans again. He apologizes for the last incident and promises he’ll be there. You arrive, wait for an hour and he doesn’t show… again. Let me ask you a question; how much faith do you have in your friend’s word the next time he promises something? Probably not much.

muscle-damage PAINT

What do you think happens when you promise yourself to do something and you don’t follow through? Think about it. When you promise yourself something it’s just like promising it to someone else. The answer is that you lose faith in your own ability to follow through. You weaken the power of your own word. The trick is that this happens even with small stuff. If you make plans to do the laundry when you get home and you don’t do it, then the next time you make that plan, you subconsciously suspect that you won’t follow through (since you didn’t last time). It gives you an easy out in the short term, but completely saps your willpower muscles of their strength. The cycle then easily repeats itself again and again and eventually you have almost no power over your own life.

The good news is that this works in the opposite direction as well. When you promise yourself something and you follow through, even on small things, you are exercising those same muscles. Those muscles will grow and grow, as long as you exercise them, and eventually when you promise yourself something, you have complete confidence it’s going to happen. So, if you want to succeed in any area of your life, then you need to build up those success muscles.

At some point along your path things are going to get difficult and if you don’t already have the willpower and confidence to see things through then you’re easily going to be thrown off your game. Starting today I suggest that you do two things. First, be more selective in what you commit to doing. NEVER “commit” to something that you aren’t prepared to achieve. Saying the words will not make it so. False commitments achieve nothing and only make it more difficult to build your muscles. Second, when you commit to something, even if it’s something really small, YOU DO IT. Do not accept your own excuses. Do not listen to your own stories. With strong success muscles, when you commit to something it gets done. With strong success muscles like that, you’ll be unstoppable.

Antecedents and Managing Your Temptations

16 Dec

The following is a true story. In 2006 a 18-year old Harvard freshman (let’s call him “Charlie”) was brought into a large room and sat on one side of an old oak table. On the other side of the table are the stern faces of his history professor, his academic advisor, the Dean for Academic Affairs, and the Chair of the Ethics Board. Charlie was accused of plagiarizing significant portions of his final paper on the Napoleonic Wars and, much like his essay’s antagonist, faced the threat of undignified exile.

The+Temptations

This was a particularly troubling case because Charlie was well-known across campus for raising money for local charities. The question is, why would this guy, who in most ways would be a model student, be sitting in a room answering questions about his moral fiber?

Understanding the answer to that question is important if you don’t want to sabotage your own success.

It turns out that Charlie plagiarized his essay because he was worried about getting it done on time. He found himself staying up all night the day before it was due struggling to formulate a single coherent sentence and in that weakened state turned to the internet for a quick solution. Charlie’s case is so common in fact that college’s actually use “start your papers early” campaigns as part of their ethics training. In this sense, procrastination itself is necessarily a bad thing, but it can dress bad things up in a nice red bikini so that it becomes a lot more attractive. Procrastination is what we call an “antecedent” to plagiarism. And the more you think about antecedents the more you’ll realize that like Charlie, your success has a lot to do with how well you manage your temptations.

You already do this to some degree. If you’ve ever set your alarm clock on the other side of the room because you know it will force you to wake up, then you know how effective this can be. So, if you’re prone to avoid performance reviews with your employees, then you better schedule it. If you’re tempted by the fattening foods at the company’s restaurant, then move your business lunch to the salad bar down the street. Setting yourself up to win is an important part of you overall achievement strategy. Your willpower is a limited resource (see: “Training Your Success Muscle”) so if you don’t already have a safety net in place when that time comes, then you are choosing to fail. Everyone knows not to lie, cheat or steal, so why do people they do it? In many cases it’s because they simply failed to manage their temptations. You may be feeling great right now about your progress, but when the going gets tough (and it will) what will you do then? And most importantly, what can you do NOW to ensure that you won’t become another Charlie?

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I have to do everything 3 times…

16 Dec

Well, it’s been a long time coming, but I’ve learned that I’m not very efficient at getting things done. This blog is a perfect example. This is my first post and yet I’ve been playing with blogs for years. It seems that I’m destined to take an iterative, evolutionary approach. There is a lot of wasted paper. A lot of mutations that don’t pan out. I just keep plugging away with the hopes that at some point, something will stick. So….*raises glass….here’s to the hope that this post will be the first of many.

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